The Dark Side

I went to the dark side this weekend. There were no cookies...just me and my inner demons fighting to get out. Of course, alcohol was the catalyst and Boo was the punching bag...



I'm still having trust issues stemming from a couple incidents that occurred well over six months ago. In both cases, in my mind, a line was crossed; in his mind, it wasn't a big deal. I've been stewing over it for months, although Boo and I have discussed it several times. Each time, he's assured me nothing shady went on, and he would never cross the line into being unfaithful. After each discussion, I emerged feeling confident I could move on and let it go. Then Boo would do something as insignificant as coming home late from martial arts class, and I would start stewing again. Logically, I know I am being stupid, but my past tells me that it's possible.

Saturday, our crew went camping for the night. Our group included three couples and three single girls. Boo has always had a penchant for flirting, which only bothers me when he ignores me. I'm not sure what transpired because we had been doing keg stands for an hour, but I got upset with Boo because he was flirting with all the single girls. We went into the tent where we had an hour long, intense argument over my jealousy issues. I cried, he yelled...it wasn't pretty. At one point, Boo almost walked out and walked away from us. He told me there was nothing left for him to say. He has assured me many times that he's not a prick and would never betray me, and I never believe him 100%. At that moment, I knew I was pushing him away and it had to stop. I apologized, and we agreed to let the past be the past, and move forward.

Now the rest is up to me. I've got to push past this black cloud of doubt that I've allowed to hang over our relationship for so long. I can't let past deceptions dictate what will happen in the future. I have to put 100% of my trust in Boo or we will never work. And I'm willing to do what it takes, because what we have is too good to let die.