I'm FREE!

Things I won't have to deal with after today:

1. Being the scapegoat of the office and having everything blamed on me.
2. The moody office manager who is 90% bitch, 10% fake.
3. Driving an hour to work and back on I-75, dodging old fucks, insane truck drivers, dump trucks, tire scraps, and tiny boulders.
4. Using my precious gasoline to go to the bank, the grocery store, and any other place that is totally out of the way.
5. Grocery shopping for the pigs in the office every two weeks, only to have everything gone in one week.
6. Performing the mundane tasks previously mentioned, when I was technically hired for desktop publishing.
7. The psychopath boss who waits until 5:57 pm to call us with requests for travel, change of plans or other ridiculousness.
8. The new lady we have fondly named CCL (Crazy Cat Lady), who is certifiably insane, feeds every stray cat in the tri-county area, isn't such a quick learner, and drives me to fantasize about murder.
9. The nastiness that some like to call the bathroom (i.e., clogged toilets, strange splooge on the floor, skid marks, etc.).
10. Being threatened (along with my co-workers) to be fired for a messy project I had no part in.
11. Helping my boss commit insurance fraud.
12. Dealing with #1-#11 and getting paid pocket change compared to fellow co-workers who don't have to worry about half the shit I had to.

Things I will miss:

1. Bethie.
2. Giving J a hard time.
3. The FedEx and UPS delivery drivers.
4. Listening to Pam be a bitch and loving it.
5. Making fun of CCL and Skippy the Wonder Gimp (one look and you'll know why).
6. Office Talk.
7. Free snacks and soda.
8. Free trips to Vegas (three times, but who's counting?)