"Housekeeping! You want me to...oh HELL no!"

I feel bad for those who work in housekeeping, especially at a hotel. In high school, I dabbled in housekeeping for a summer or two for an inn and for timeshare condominiums. Let me tell you...people are NASTY. Vomit, hair, urine, feces...I've seen it all. Some days I wished I had a HazMat suit and a pressure washer. So why am I telling you this? Well, we were those people on Saturday night.

A large group of us decided to hit up the beach bars in costumes for Halloween festivities. Someone got a hotel suite so we could pre-game and crash there if needed. And boy was it needed. I don't remember much in my tequila haze, but we had people tripping, falling, grabbing crotches, and puking...even before we made it back to the hotel. I ended up with a metal "Private Property" sign hanging around my neck, hugging a hottie from Cincinnati, and wondering where the hell my friends went. Luckily, but hottie-less, I did find my way back to the suite where everyone else had stumbled hours before.

To make a long story short, the suite ended up a disaster. The bedroom and both beds were full. A girl friend and I sandwiched a guy friend of ours on the pull-out couch. Another couple passed out on lounge chairs on the balcony. And the fluids...let's not forget the fluids. There was vomit on the floor of the bathroom, on the floor next to the couch, off the balcony and on three floors below it, in a bucket and in the bathtub full of already vomit-soaked towels. Oh, and there was pee in the hallway to the bathroom. Talk about people not holding their liquor or aiming at the right spots. I think myself and another friend were the only ones who held everything down that night.

The only thought I had (aside from the fact that I wanted to die) when we left the hotel was of those poor housekeepers and their faces when they walked into (and smelled) that room. I think HazMat suits and pressure washers would have been appropriate for that shit.