Bits 'n Pieces

This weekend was totally exhausting, but well worth every second. Rather than bore you with details, I will highlight some bits 'n pieces for you. Am I not the coolest?

• Hockey goalies make me speechless when they stretch. Holy hell, if they can do that on the ice, imagine what they can do without all the gear...totally naked.

• My boobs look a lot larger and bounce a lot more than I thought they did...especially while attempting the Roger Rabbit, drunk, at a bar. And even more so when it's caught on film. Note to self: I need a better bra.

• Pizza crust and chocolate taste kind of good together when drunk. They are pretty good sobering up foods too...or maybe that was the "proposition (see below)."

• My female friend, while tanked off her ass, asked me to accompany her and her date home. I was completely caught off-guard but not totally surprised because let's face it, a lot of girls have some bi-sexual tendencies that grow with the help of alcohol. I politely declined.

• Waffle House has to be one of the seediest breakfast eateries I've ever step foot in. Somehow, I can't enjoy my food when the air conditioning unit is in great danger of crashing to the floor because it is leaking on to the counter and the floor, and the ceiling tiles are peeling away before my eyes.

• I'm taking a shot in the dark, but I believe most people go to the beach for relaxation and listening to a 250 lb. steroid-soaked cunt muscle sing at the top of his lungs to his iPod is not relaxing.

• We saw an eagle on the beach, which totally made up for said cunt muscle.

• The alcohol and cigarettes all weekend long did me in, because now I have a cold. That'll teach me to relapse, because I had quit smoking. I should stick strictly to the booze. It's good for you....especially Jaeger.

• The End.