The Last Straw

Ok, so remember that time I said I was weeding out the unpleasantness that was polluting my dating life?? Well I lied, and I never did. I continued seeing both S and P with no regard to the shitty things they did.

Although P apologized for his unnecessary behavior, it was unnecessary for me to accept him back into my life with open arms as if nothing had happened. However, he told me he didn't want to lose me as a friend, he loved being with me, and he could see our relationship possibly growing into something more. And I believed it. I know, I'm a sucker. So, we went back to the old routine of me going to see him and him pretending he wanted to see me, but in reality, he just wanted a piece of ass. During this time, he was seeing another girl who he had told me he really wasn't that interested in. This wasn't a problem since I was seeing other guys as well. It became a problem when he was asking to see me, yet he was getting pretty serious with this other girl. I don't roll like that. The last time I spoke to P, he was too sick to see me (he did a damn good job of sounding totally gross and snotty). He hasn't called since, and that's perfectly fine with me.

The same goes for S, as he barely made a half-hearted attempt at apologizing. I had designed some business cards for him as a favor and I dropped them off one night. He offered me a beer which turned into more than a few and I ended up staying. Unfortunately for me and my attempt at keeping a distance, he was really cuddly and sweet. As always, I let my guard down.

On Christmas Eve, S called to tell me he was lonely and wanted me to come see him. Not only was it Christmas Eve, but it was also one in the morning so I wouldn't be making an appearance. I did offer to come see him the next night to give him the gift I bought him. He agreed.

After visiting with S's neighbors and downing a few Christmas toddies, we exchanged gifts. I can't say he has the best taste in gifts but it was something I could actually use. Points for practicality. Later on, we ended up at his friend's house which was located in the shadiest part of town. I half expected a drive-by at any given moment and I could hear Tejano blasting from the neighboring houses. By the end of the night, I had learned of S and his friend's robberies, drug raids, hold-ups, and jail time. And let's not forget the fact that the friend has "accepted Jesus" just as willingly as he accepts powder up his nose.

The next afternoon, we ended up back in Lil' Compton for a cookout. I had the pleasure of meeting more of S's friends. One had a pistol tucked in the back of his pants' waistband. There were babies' mommas without babies' daddies and vice versa, thugs, gangstas and a little white trash thrown in. I barely knew anyone, S didn't really do much introducing, and truthfully my efforts to talk to anyone were lacking. After a few endless hours, I got the hell out and left S there to thug it up, snort it up, or whatever.

So there you have it, folks. I should've figured it out the first time around, but I can be a slow learner sometimes. After a few heart to hearts with friends and family, I FINALLY realized that I really, truly deserve better. Herein, I am making a conscious effort not to bother with neither S nor P. And this time apologies aren't breaking me down. FOR REAL!