Types of Sex

When most people think of sex, they think of two naked people going at it. That's pretty basic, though...there are different types of sex. And I'm not talking anal, oral, etc. Allow me to elaborate...

Sympathy fuck: You find yourself getting down and dirty with someone you're not all that attracted to. However, they are there, obviously into you, you've already gone this far, and you feel bad making them come to a screeching halt. Plus, you're really horny. So, you do it and deal with the grimy feeling later.

Ill-matched fuck: You're extremely attracted to him/her and can't wait until you tear each other's clothes off. The excitement builds but yours dies quickly (along with any signs of arousal) when you realize how bad he/she is. You think it's quite obvious how bad the sex was but your partner thinks it was the greatest thing since sliced bread.

Secret fuck: The person you have sex with regularly but don't want to tell your friends about. You love it, but aren't sure how other people would react. You're not necessarily shameful, but would rather not divulge the information.

Animalistic fuck: Clothes ripping, hair pulling, grunting, headboard slamming, object breaking, skin scratching, wall pounding, sweaty, hot SEX.

Dead fuck (DF): From beginning to end, your counterpart makes no audible sounds, little movement, and shows no signs of enjoyment, all of which tricks you into thinking that you may be screwing a corpse or a zombie. Why bother?

Waterfall fuck: Enormous amounts of self-lubrication which leads to lots of funny noises and a huge wet spot on the sheets.

Anxious fuck: Neither of you can wait long enough to remove any clothing so you just push everything aside and go at it right then and there.

Quickie fuck: You've got the urge but not the time. Similar to the Anxious Fuck in that you just push everything aside and go to town. However, there are time restraints and it usually only lasts a short five to ten minutes...just enough to quell the overwhelming throbbing between your legs.

Marshmallow-in-a-Keyhole Fuck: He just can't keep it up but tries to smoosh it in there anyway like it might work by some miracle. He tries everything to try and get it in there but to his dismay, it just doesn't go...kind of like trying to shove a marshmallow through a keyhole.

Hotdog-in-a-Hallway Fuck: You know she's been around town once or twice because you can't even feel it when you're inside of her. You get the sensation of a hotdog thrown straight down a hallway...no contact with anything but air.

Now those are just a handful of the basic ones I think most people have experience at least once in their sexual ventures. Are there any that I'm missing!?