A Quasi Couple

Boo and I finally sat down to talk about our relationship and our future. It was preceded by a hurtful comment directed toward me, and I called him out. He told me he didn't know why he made the comment, he was fucked up in the head, and was trying to push me away. I asked him what I was even doing at his house, ready to spend the weekend, when he was so adamantly trying to push me away. When he didn't have a clear, definitive answer, I felt my heart sank into the depths of my chest. Sensing my disappointment, he explained that months prior to meeting me, he had just gotten out of a two-year relationship and he was currently in no position to make a commitment.

Surprisingly, the tears didn't come as I expected them to. My mind was racing with thoughts and things I wanted to say, but I was unable to speak. I could only look down at my fingers as they fidgeted with the sofa fabric. I remained silent until Boo asked me what I was expecting out of our relationship. It was my turn in lacking a clear, definitive answer. I didn't know. What I did know was that I really liked him and I hoped the feeling was mutual. I didn't want to be wasting my time with him if it wasn't. He assured me that I wouldn't be sitting there with him if he didn't like me, but he just wasn't ready to put forth any sort of commitment if that's what I was searching for.

Again, I sat in silence, searching for the right words to say. Truthfully, I wasn't exactly sure what I was searching for, but the biggest thing bothering me about not knowing where we stood was the uncertainty of him seeing other women. I told Boo that I certainly wasn't looking for marriage (yet) or to even put a label on our relationship, but there were a couple things that I wanted to be certain of. I wanted to know if he was seeing other women, and if so, was he intimate with them because, after all, we had stopped using condoms after getting tested and I had a right to know. Boo told me that there weren't any other women, just me. He added that he only had time for work and for me, but for now, work would always come first.

Talking about work brought him to the second reason he wasn't ready for commitment. He explained that this year, he really wanted to focus most of his attention on work, and making it to the top of his sales team. He's very competitive, but more importantly, he's got a house that needs some serious work, so the more money coming in for him, the better. He did interject that he in no way meant that he wanted me to disappear from his life because he really enjoyed our time together. And with that, the conversation ended as impetuously as it began.

Obviously, we were in no better position than before, but I felt surprisingly at ease about the whole situation. I think the fact that I was meeting his family the very next day didn't hurt either. I mean if it's not that serious, you don't go introducing your quasi-girlfriend to your family. Am I right? In any event, what it boils down to is that we both enjoy each other's company, and neither of us knows what the future will hold, so we might as well sit back and enjoy the ride. That, and Boo is the first guy in years that has been genuine and, well, tolerable! I'm no quitter, so I can't very well quit now can I?

I can say one thing. Whatever happens, it's gonna be a hell of a ride.