Back at it

After sleeping on air mattresses and twin beds for two weeks, it's fabulous to be home sleeping in my own bed, even if I only slept it in twice since I got home Friday. The trip was an experience to say the least...

• The evening we arrived at my cousin's house in Connecticut, the whole family got together for a mean game of wiffleball. And by mean, I'm talking about diving for second base, and screwing up my knee bad enough that I was hobbling for days.

• My brother showed up at the family reunion looking like a crack head. His eyes were sunken in, and his teeth looked like they were starting to decay. He has always been kind of a bum since I can remember, using drugs and unable to maintain a job, but lately, he is looking worse for wear. My religious uncle preached to him and provided him with Christian-based reading material, which I know went straight to the trash. He just might be beyond help.

• My religious family coerced us into going to church. I'm not a church goer and neither are my parents. My father managed to get himself out of going by playing the sick card. I wore jeans because I had nothing else. I had to refrain from speaking on the way to and from the church, since I have such a potty mouth. What a disgrace we were.

• I went to a party at a friend's house in Maine. We went to high school together, but never really hung out back then. I got completely liquored up thanks to shots of Patron, and I woke up in his bed with my bra unhooked. Panic ensued (I mean, he's decent enough, but not enough for that!). He assured me that nothing bad happened, and he had rubbed my back for approximately a minute before I passed out cold. I told him that if anything else had happened, it must've not been that good, since I didn't remember any of it. Not hesitating, he assured me that I would have DEFINITELY remembered it. Aww, it was just like high school all over again!

• My dog got sprayed by a skunk. I had to bathe her in white vinegar and shampoo until the smell dissipated. She was not impressed as that was her third bath in as many days, since she couldn't stop rolling or getting into really stinky things.

• On the way home, on the last stretch of I-75, we stopped for gas and my father grabbed some drinks out of the cooler in the back of the truck. Twenty minutes later, as we were flying down the highway, I noticed the back of the cap was wide open, with our luggage and belongings in danger of toppling out on to the road. We pulled over and it turned out that not only the cap was open, but the gate was also down with the cooler teetering on the edge. Luckily, nothing fell out, and we had a good laugh at my father's expense.

It is safe to say, I definitely won't be driving (or riding) from Florida to Maine anytime in the near future. If I'm traveling 1,600 miles, I'm flying! Screw this driving business.