I don't mess around.

When I set a goal for myself, I make sure I do it, and I do it right. I'm quite the procrastinator so it's a rareity that I actually will plan ahead, whether it be 5 minutes or 5 months.

The goal was sex and I wanted it badly. Capt. Awesome (that's what his friends call him) and I had finished a long night of drinking. Drinking, of course, leads to horniness and that's exactly what we were when we got back to his place. Within moments, there were clothes strewn around the room and skin touching skin. That is, until we realized we were without condoms. Being the responsible, yet still very drunk people we were, we lay there weighing our options.

Clearly (ok, the haze cleared for a moment), there was only option. We were having sex and we were going to find condoms. Capt. Awesome, in his awesome brilliance, suggested WalMart because it was open 24 hours and we were closing in on 2am. We threw our clothes on; me in my tiny tank and heels, and Capt. in his penguin pjs and orange hoodie. We were quite the pair walking into WalMart.

After a brief stop in the juice aisle for some Hawaiian Punch, we headed to the condom aisle. Staring at row after row of condoms, we were overwhelmed. Ribbed? Studded? Receptacle tip? Spermicide? For her pleasure? After much debate, we decided on Trojan's Twisted Pleasure because the box was cool and they sounded fun.

Capt. Awesome decided to go get the car while I paid. Normally, I would only be slightly embarrassed buying condoms, but at 2am it was soooooo obvious that I was about 5 minutes from using them. I grabbed a magazine from the rack and added it to my purchases. After paying, I grabbed the bag, grasping it at the bottom, as to not lose the jug of Hawaiian Punch and got in the car.

Three minutes later, we pulled into Capt. Awesome's apartment complex. I peered inside the bag as I picked it up off the floor. I didn't see my magazine...or the condoms! The bastards bagged them separately! I sheepishly let Capt. Awesome know of our misfortune. We had to go back! Capt. shook his head, started the car and headed back to WalMart.

Capt. pulled up to the door and I jumped out. I headed back to the register I had paid at minutes before and I felt my face flushing with embarrassment. Before the cashier could say anything, I spotted my missing bag, grabbed it while muttering something about forgetting a bag. I ran back out the door and hopped in the car.

We sped home, mission accomplished. I accomplished my goal shortly after. Like I said, I don't mess around.