You're dumped

You're dumped when:

• You have excessive body hair
• You have ape-like feet
• You are a two beer queer
• You're a two pump chump
• You try to finger my ass without warning (and without lube for that matter)
• You won't go down on me
• You have ugly hands
• You have an ass like Howard Stern
• You hit on one of my friends
• You dance like a seizure stricken epileptic
• You don't at least trim your "shit"
• You're scared of my sex toys
• Your armpits smell worse than a locker room at half time
• You are bi-polar
• You find everything I say offensive or lewd
• You let it be known that you're shitting (this is before the comfort period settles in)
• Your teeth are yellow, stained, snaggly, etc.
• You don't even argue a little bit when I want to pay my half

So I think that sums up about every guy I've ever met or ever will meet. In the words of my best friend, "Fuck guys, let's be dikes."